Blogmas: Life Update - End of 2019

When I sit down to think back to how I felt at the start of the year, I honestly cannot believe that there has been so many change in my emotions. The start of 2019 came off the back of easily one of the worst years of my life. Not to be dramatic or anything but it was a hard year. All I could hope was that I was going to have a better year this year and I have.

Job Goals & Confidence

At the start of the year I spoke about working towards my dream job and finding ways to work towards being a beauty editor. Even though I might still be in the same crappy job I was in at the start of the year, I still feel like I have made some progress. At the start of the year I felt really defeated by the job market. I think I have all the talents to be able to do any job I put my mind to but others weren't seeing it that way. I didn't think my CV came across well and to be honest under my achievements and interests it looked like I hadn't done anything for the past few years.

This year not only have I continued to work on my blog and grow my Instagram but I also began writing for my work's blog so I now have formal experience of writing for a living. Not only that but I have also been teaching myself to code which is something I have been meaning to do for a while. I feel like this year I have actually tried to make a change and combined with my work including me on their blog, I feel like I have made some positive moves towards being able to write and do what I want for a living. I've certainly done more this year than I have done in the past couple of years which is a start.

Much like how working towards my dream job is going to be something that I have to work on, so is my confidence and I have to say this has taken a positive turn this year. This is mostly down to a change in my mental health, which I will be talking about in a moment, but I simply feel more sure of myself. I have been in my job for a while so I know what I am doing, I am not afraid to question things and I am more certain of my own opinions which I haven't been for a long time.

My confidence has grown enough that I have been able to post videos of myself to my Instagram which is something I would never have done previously and I have shared my blog with even more people that I actually know this year. I even felt confident enough in it to share it on my Linkedin and to tell my parents about it. I have been blogging for almost 6 years and I never felt brave enough to tell them but now that they know, they have been incredibly supportive and celebrate the blogging milestones I make.

New Car

At the start of the year I said I wanted to cut down on spending so I would be able to buy myself a new car this year. Well literally a week after I wrote that post my car broke down for the first time of the year. After I got it fixed I said I would not be spending anymore money on that car. I was incredibly fed up with how much it was breaking down and how much I was spending on it.

My car then broke down again at the end of March and I decided that was it, my car had to go. After a few weeks of getting a lift to work with my mother, my dad took me to my local Mini dealership and I began the search for my new car. I had been looking online at cars for a couple of weeks and I had seen a few I wanted to look at.

I had a look at two different cars which I had seen advertised on their website and I completely fell in love with the second one I saw. After much talking and signing my life away, I put a deposit down and the car was mine. I had to wait a week for it to be fixed up and for the finance to go through but a week later, I had a new car! I felt very adult going in and getting my new car and honestly after doing it all by myself, it also helped with my confidence. I always worry that people won't take me seriously but when I was buying my car, it wasn't even a concern for me.

6 months on and I am still thrilled with my car. It is my dream car. I had a Mini anyway but it wasn't exactly what I wanted but this one is. It is a black Mini with red interior, it has mood lighting (like my old car) and most importantly, it works! The name of my new car is Jeremy, Jezza for short and I adore him. I can't wait to go on many adventures with him.

Do The Things I Want To

For the past few years I have tried avoiding doing anything out of my comfort zone simply because it gives me so much anxiety but this year I have done so many things which I simply would have missed out on in previous years.

To start off my year I went to my first gig in years. As someone with anxiety, gigs are not the place for me. That amount of people is too much for me but I persevered and went to see Enter Shikari for the third time. It was an amazing gig and the whole time I was there I felt proud of myself. I had a bit of a meltdown after but it was good whilst I was there.

During January, even though I wasn't feeling great I tried to book something that I knew I wouldn't normally do and I ended up booking myself a ticket to go and see the Dior: Designer of Dreams exhibition at the V&A. I had read about it in Vogue and I was desperate to go.

Just before I went, I felt stupid for doing it but in the end I was so pleased I went. I completely loved the exhibition, the dresses were gorgeous and I have never been to a fashion exhibition before. Also in a way I am pleased I went by myself because I could look around at my own pace and I was able to enjoy London and do the things I wanted to do. I had such a great day and I am so pleased that I did it.

Throughout the year I continued to do things that I wouldn't have done last year. It was as simple as going out with my friends and making sure I had stuff organised. I managed to visit a lot of my friends who are no longer Bristol based. I went to more concerts and I went to different places. I have even booked tickets to see the Jonas Brothers at the start of next year and I booked my first ever hotel room myself which is not a big thing for most people but for me it was such an accomplishment.

Next year I hope to continue doing things that feel uncomfortable for me and I want to continue the mindset that if I want to do something, why shouldn't I! I also finally renewed my passport after it expired so I am ready to leave the country again and hopefully next year I actually will.

Cutting Down on Clothing

My one massive fail of the year has been cutting down on buying clothing, if anything I am worst than ever. This year I have been trying to increase my coverage of fashion and style, both on my blog and on my Instagram which has meant that I have been looking at clothes more and more and that has just lead to me buying more.

It is so annoying because I am trying to be more eco-consious. I do not think our government or the boomers take environmental issues seriously and I know fashion is a big part of the problem. I wanted to try and spend more on each piece so that I would wear it for longer and buy less but that is not what has happened. I have been buying these luxury pieces but I have also been filling my wardrobe with items from Primark and Fast Fashion brands.

I thought cutting down on spending in these stores would be easy but it hasn't been. These are the stores that I get my casual clothes from and my more trend lead pieces which is why I buy them. I don't want to spend lots of money on something I don't think I am going to wear that much but I guess that means I shouldn't be buying it in the first place. Either way, I still have a lot to learn.

Doing my Rules to Live By and my monthly purchases posts has really showed me that I have a problem when it comes to spending on fashion and beauty and I truly need to cut down. Looks like this is going to be on my list for next year!

Coffee and Running

I know how much of a difference that running and cutting down on coffee make to my mental health and at the start of the year I wanted to run more and cut out coffee. Both of these have come and gone this year. I started out really strong in both regards, I was running every weekend and I stopped drinking coffee. However over the year I have taken periods of time off from running and in fact towards the end of this year I didn't run for around two months. I am back to it now but I have been struggling with motivation.

I have cut down on coffee, I no longer drink one a day and I don't always buy it from Starbucks. Some days I do feel like I just need a coffee so I will have one but I haven't been so reliant on it this year. Not only have I cut down on it but when I do start drinking it again I know when to give it up. I have begun to notice the signs of over coffee usage and when I hit that point, I stop.

I think I will always struggle with coffee and running but I have certainly made progress with both this year and I am happy that I now know when both of these are going to help me.

Blog

I've always said that I do not set myself goals with my blog and that is why I do not have a whole lot to say for this section. I think it is really odd that people set themselves goals because I feel like you are setting yourself unnecessary stresses. A lot of it is out of your control so why worry about it?

However, I do have one goal that I set myself. I like to make a certain amount of all time views because in a way I can control this, I can just promote my blog more. This year I wanted to make it to 38,000 overall views and if I made that, I possibly wanted to make it to 40,000 but I didn't think that was going to happen.

I ended up reaching 40,000 views back in August and after that I was just going to be happy with anything. Then I got to October and it looked like I would potentially make it to 50,000 and I DID! I did it, I can't believe I basically doubled my blog views this year but I am so thrilled that lots of people seem to be enjoying my blog. It is certainly more views than I ever imagined I would get.

Going forward I will continue to not really set myself goals, other than in regards to my All Time Views of course. I do want to grow my blog and Instagram but other than that. I am going to keep my aims relaxed.

I also want to make a point of not being embarrassed of the work I do for my blog and social media. I've always felt stupid for working so hard on my blog and working to grow my social media because it is not easy but I always worried that people wouldn't see the point of it and would judge. Well now I am beyond caring. I want people to know that this takes effort but I do it because I really enjoy doing it.

Mental Health

I am now quite happy to talk about my issues with mental health which hasn't always been the case. When I wrote my Personal Development post at the start of the year, I felt too scared to talk about it on my blog but now that I am looking back at my year, it wouldn't feel right not to talk about it.

At the start of the year I basically hit rock bottom with my anxiety and depression. I had been struggling for a long time and a few situations arose at the start of the year which showed me that I wasn't ok and I couldn't cope anymore. I ended up going on anti-depressants and I can safely say it was one of the best decisions I have made.

I have gone from feeling nothing except sadness to being able to live my life again. As soon as I went on them, my mother said that the old Sophie was back and she hadn't been around for years. I am still on them to this day and I cannot tell you how happy I am that I finally listened to myself and got the help I needed because it has changed the way I feel about everything.

If you are struggling, I know all about it but when you are ready, get help. It took me years to finally admit defeat but it was the best thing I did. If you have any questions about anti-depressants, let me know, I had so many questions before I went on them but I was too scared to ask anyone. I don't want to go into this too much because it does feel personal to me but I am feeling so much better now and hopefully it will give me the base I need to start off a new decade strong.

We all get reflective and nostalgic towards the end of a year but this feeling is intensified this year by the fact that we are entering a new decade. Within this decade I am turning 30 and hopefully looking to grow up a little but I guess time will only tell with this one. All I know is that for once I am starting off strong.

You might have noticed that I haven't covered the aspects of my life that I want to work on next year. Well you have that to look forward to because I will be doing a full blog post on it at the start of next year.

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